Here's a shocker: Politeness can make for good television, even in cooking competition shows. The third edition of "Last Restaurant Standing" returned to BBC America on Tuesday and with it the mumbled English -- and poorly dyed hair -- of chef Raymond Blanc, who picks one of nine teams to become a business partner. Blanc and his two cohorts rarely deviate from small collection of facial expressions: He provides icy stares and raised eyebrows; the others roll their eyes, stare in disbelief with mouths agape and, in general, try to keep cool as the novice chefs bungle kitchen tasks.
The highlight of opening night, in which the teams of two were asked to prepare a signature dish and explain their restaurant concept, was delivered by a mother and daughter who scored 10 in the categories of inventiveness, danger and stupidity, and a zero in food preparation.
To prepare a dessert based on some sort of coconut custard, they followed a recipe that must have read:
Step 1. Place coconut in large bowl, preferably metal.
Step 2. Drive a knife into coconut to release milk.
Step 3. When that doesn't work, grab a large item in the kitchen -- a rolling pin, for example -- and pound the knife into the coconut. Works best if you can find an assistant to hold the knife so you won't be the one losing a finger.
Step 4. When all else fails, abandon the bowl and start pounding the shell into any hard surface you can find.
Then comes Part 2 of the recipe, opening a can of condensed milk.
Step 1. Again borrow an assistant to hold a 10-inch chef's knife steady while you attempt to swing the rolling pin hard enough into the knife handle to either a) open the can or b) win a prize at a local fair.
Step 2. Await the arrival of a Michelin-starred French chef to show you how to use the can opener in the corner.
Their removal from the show, based on their gooey concoction as much as it was their on carnival knife act, was prompt and understated. The other team leaving the competition in the southwest seaport city of Bristol was a mother-son duo who responded to the question of "describe your restaurant" with a series of hems and haws and the always conclusive "It's complicated."
The show's understatement -- crossed fingers, anticipation-induced tears, the deep breaths and displays of sincere affection -- makes it the most charming cooking competition show on television. It balances expertise and the college tries of amateurs without mockery; in three seasons, the faces have been of people wanting to do better, seeing dreams realized and, even among the losers, a sense of accomplishment and growth.
Meanwhile, back in the States -- a reference to "Stranded in the Jungle," the finest doo-wop song ever about cannibalism -- we don't see much of that. "Last Restaurant" aired 48 hours after the Food Network attracted 4.6 million viewers, according to the Nielsen Co., to the heavily promoted "super chef" version of "Iron Chef America." ("America's Worst Cooks" also premiered. No word on whether anyone attempted to open a coconut with a knife and a rolling pin).
The premise for "Iron Chef" was noble -- first lady Michelle Obama sent White House executive chef Cristeta Comerford and Mario Batali, Bobby Flay and Emeril Lagasse into the White House garden to promote the concept of fresh and local. And healthful.
So what do they do? They fry things. Use ketchup and molasses in savory dishes. Pile on the corn meal in Flay's case, and roll out the remoulade on Lagasse's plates. Before a dietician could be called in, Batali incorporated the overall message into his food, adapting a summer dish, caponata, with winter ingredients, which were placed under a quail glazed with White House honey. (Best looking dish of the night.)
Batali and Lagasse teamed up and served plates that represented their Italian and Louisiana styles, respectively, and Flay, of course, pushed everything toward Tex Mex, leaving a little room for Comerford to display a bit of her Filipino roots.
She made a subtle, yet compelling distinction of "style versus heritage," the subtext not 100 percent clear: Flay is obviously style sans heritage, and Lagasse is a 50/50 split while Mario has heritage in spades. I'd like to hear her expand on the theme.
Comerford, in the company of the Food Network's biggest stars -- add Alton Brown as host -- was understandably mute. Lagasse's grumble sounded as if he planned to audition for Big Daddy in the Slidell Community Theater production of "Guys and Dolls." Batali's light-as-air explanations floated like a children's reading hour at the local library. And Flay seemed as fired up as a college football coach positive his team would win its obscure bowl game in mid-December.
Perhaps that explains why Raymond Blanc's arrival, with subtitles spelling out his buoyant, all-present-tense English, is such an appealing change of pace.
Phil Gallo is an entertainment journalist who writes about music, television, theater and film in addition to food and wine.
Photo of Sarah Willingham, Raymond Blanc and David Moore of "Last Restaurant Standing," from BBC America
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