On a playing field of 22 food and beverage ads during Super Bowl XLIV, the most-watched television program in history, there were few winners. Plenty of ideas should have been punted away before 106 million viewers were subjected to them. The Bud Light crowd seemed desperate for a laugh. The Budweiser folk just wanted to make friends. The makers of Doritos reveled in pain and death. The fast-food restaurants were suddenly think-tanks for new products. Snickers reminded us that Abe Vigoda is indeed alive. And, finally, we got Charles Barkley's excuse for his post-NBA physique: Taco Bell.
Food and drink ads also accounted for the one category where advertisers had new messages from which they would not stray. Denny's, for example, wanted consumers to fixate on one dish only, the Grand Slam breakfast, and that resulted in a considerable number of nightmares involving chickens and eggs.
Doritos was the worst offender, producing cringe-inducing ads that involved a electric-shock dog collar, a funeral in which the casket's resident had a weeklong supply of chips, and a ninja who could turn Doritos into triangular, orange-flying daggers. The displays of cruelty suppressed all potential humor. The ads' creators should take a tip from Snickers: Tackling Betty White on a muddy football field is cruel too, but watching her complain afterward gets a chuckle.
The first 4½ of Bud Light's five ads delivered middling comic results: A house of Bud Light cans had a flaw in its design, scientists partied like frat boys, the "Lost" characters opted to drink rather than be saved, there were books-babes-'n'-brews, and finally the beer induces Auto-Tune Vocal Effect on some party boys. Auto-Tune is the computerized vocal tweaking device that has been popularized, most recently, by the rapper T-Pain. (For people a bit older, it's the device that Cher used on "Believe" a decade ago.)
The payoff in the Bud Light ad is a cameo by T-Pain at the party, speaking as if the Auto-Tune is his real voice. Wouldn't it have been funnier if all the party knuckleheads had mimicked T-Pain's vocal style -- but he spoke like a businessman, or a T-shirt-clad stoner dude? That would have been funny.
Intentional or not, Budweiser (which keeps its advertising accounts separate from Bud Light), Michelob Ultra and Coca-Cola created ads that connected with the spirit that surrounded the New Orleans Saints this season.
The Saints projected a theme of togetherness, of working for a greater good, of playing for more than the name on the front or back of their jerseys. Their efforts were about more than delivering a trophy to a city that had never been to the NFL championship in its 43-year history -- it was about rebirth of one of America's great cities. Had the Saints made it to the Super Bowl pre-Katrina, the pregame city profile surely would have been food-centric. This year, every story concerned community-building -- and that carried over to some of the advertising.
It emerged in Coke's visit to Springfield, home of "The Simpsons," where Montgomery Burns had gone broke and the cartoon's characters got on with their lives with a Coke and smile. It surfaced again in Bud's ad involving the creation of a human bridge and a Clydesdale foal and a calf growing up together. We saw it in Michelob Ultra's pairing of Lance Armstrong and Blur's energetic "Song 2."
None of those ads touched Google in the sentimental department, but they tapped into a collective heartbeat, a sense of resilience that Americans like to believe distinguishes us -- never more so than during hard times. Other ads seemed slapped together and were among the game's least memorable.
Denny's made chickens scream, while Carl's Jr. eroticized a chicken salad. Domino's did not advertise its revamped pizzas, but its competitors came out to talk price (Pizza Hut) and taste (Papa John's). Dr Pepper had the day's most confounding spot: Kiss taking the stage with a dwarf Kiss tribute band. Something about "a little kiss" of cherry flavor. Sounds like an idea as bad as Bud Light Wheat, which was only identified as a sponsor in the second quarter. I'll sample a Jack in the Box deli sandwich long before I'll discover how Anheuser-Busch has desecrated wheat beer.
On Monday's "Today" show, advertising kingpin Donny Deustch lamented the number of ads that depicted "the American male at his stupidest," particularly in the beer ads. The slapstick tricks and desperation for laughs were too prevalent, he said, expressing a desire for advertisements that celebrate the American male.
Since I have reached a non-desirable demographic age -- I was drinking Abita Jockamo IPA from New Orleans -- advertisers believe that I'm unlikely to be swayed by ads into purchasing something new. Then came the Audi A3 ad with Billy Bob Thornton, in which the "green police" arrest non-recyclers, non-composters -- but love the new clean-diesel car. Even after four quarters of exciting football, the ad had a message that resonated. I wonder whether anyone was still watching.
Phil Gallo is an entertainment journalist who writes about music, television, theater and film in addition to food and wine.
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